Thursday, March 8, 2012

Fish falling from the sky

The recession might have affected our economy in more ways than one, but it has not been all doom and gloom. If you look at it from a more positive angle, it has given us an opportunity to look for more…erm…innovative and modern ways of earning a living. Very fascinating professions have been developed; some people are gaining fame and fortune from “trend forecasting” (You just gotta love Dion Chang!). We even have “public protectors”, aren’t we just blessed to have Thuli Modonsela?

My personal favourite has to be the “Gold Diggers”! No, I’m not referring to the muscular and sweaty men [drools] in helmets working hard in the mine, that’s soooo ancient. The modern gold digger is young and pretty with boobs the size of a water melon and a pea sized brain.

Her gold digging strategy is simple; she finds a saggy but VERY rich boyfriend that’s undergoing a mid-life crisis at a much later stage of his life. She then manipulates him into thinking he is 16 years old again. While the poor old man enjoys the attention of being seen with a pretty young thing and forgets about his wrinkles, she goes for his finances. In return for sexual favours and maybe a kid, the old man has to finance her ridiculously extravagant ways of living. Think Khanyi Mbau and Primrose Crous.

While the rest of us have to go all the way to the stream struggling to carry our fishing gear, these girls just flutter their lashes and pout and voila! Their fish falls on their perfectly manicured hands right from the sky!

The self proclaimed "Queen of Bling", Khanyi Mbau with one of her former, Sugar Daddies, or erm "boyfriends, as she chooses to call them.

Don’t be fooled and think gold digging is not hard work though. To make it in this throat cutting industry, you have to look your best all the time and that means fake boobs, fake hair, fake lashes, fake nails and a fake personality. I guess the only way of escaping the reality of sleeping with an old wrinkled man is to remain fake. The job sure comes with some pretty cool perks though; flashy cars, designer clothes and unlimited media coverage!


  1. AAAAAAHHH what a beautifully written, witty piece of work you've presented here. I loved it!! Such a great take on the topic, well done. I am so impressed. You should consider being a 'public commentator' like the famous jailbird Gareth Clifie. Spectacular work, well done. I just love your blog

  2. You just made my day!! This was hilarious!!
    Hahaha these gold diggers must grow a brain