Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Three weeks planned for two years gone forever.

Bang. Click. The sound of the door slamming shut, followed by a twist of the key locking. He finally let the rest of the tears free – flowing down his face straight to the floor to join countless pieces of a broken mug.
The mug, in its initial stages of life, was part of a special gift for his boyfriend. Birth day. Joyous. Just a week ago.
Fuck! What did just happen? How did I get here? His boyfriend, with answers to those questions was gone. Out the door back to his fictional life.
Bang. Click. The door shut behind him.
It had been three weeks of harmony. Three sets of seven days day dreamed for two years. The plan, developed over two years, was for his boyfriend to find service and the two of them to live happily ever after. They would love each other to eternity. Breaks to endless sex. Hobbies shared. Marriage.
A perfect plan.
It was meant to unfold two years foregoing to the three weeks of harmony. Distance stood still. Miles between the two different provinces they each called home were an unmovable hurdle. They ran somewhat a successful relationship making use of text and digits. Facebook. WhatsApp. Email.
Turned out outrageously wrong.
He made a breakthrough, a result of sleepless nights working towards a dream. Landed a decent job; another successful step of his career. Naturally, he saw it fit to help out his boyfriend.
Distance varnished.
Two years of frustrating planning was now all worth it. They were loving each other to eternity. Breaks to endless sex. Hobbies shared. Marriage.
It lasted for three weeks. The love was interrupted by doubts. They were both not so good in endless sex. Arguments so frequent they resembled hobbies.
Break up.
A careless mistake led to appalling revelations. His boyfriend never loved him.  Pretence. His boyfriend told lies. Deception. His boyfriend was not his boyfriend. Bogus identity.
Cheated. Used. Fucked.
Bang. Click. The door slammed, shutting out three weeks planned for two years.
Gone forever.


Monday, November 4, 2013

I fed my trust to jealousy infested snakes and con artists disguised as boyfriends.

Like a gifted prophet my mother foresaw it a long time ago.
Like a naïve little boy I took her wise words for granted.
Now, a million heartbreaks and countless failed relationships later, I look back to what my mother told me.

She said:

No one, absolutely no one, in this whole world, other than family and God, will ever have your best interests at heart. When you feel like my love and comfort and guidance are insufficient, kneel down and seek more from God.”

In my life I have met so many wonderful people…or at least I thought they were. I became friends with the most convincing back stabbers. I trusted snakes infested by the plague of jealousy and I fell in love with serial cheating con artists disguised as loving and faithful boyfriends.
They came into my life; I allowed them into the depths of my heart. I trusted them, not only with my valuable materials but with the most valuable components of my being.
I don’t learn do I?
I mean three attempts by three different people to crush my most hard earned possessions should be enough to wake me up, right?
One tried, and later partly succeeded in driving the one man I’ve ever loved away from me. That man, in turn, tried to tarnish my dignity and crumple my confidence to an unrecognisable blur of strange emotions. The third made an almost successful attempt to burst one of my dreams.
Wait, there is a fourth one – the one that tried to steal my identity and turn everyone against me. That didn’t go far though. Very few can imitate my realness.
With just a month of 2013 to go, a chunk of my trust has been, once again, crumbled and another friend gone.
Deja vu.
Something similar happens each year.  This year was pretty intense though – the “love of my life” made a very noticeable exit leaving me with question marks to fill his absence in my future.

Then another prominent  feature in my life smacked me across the face with a rock hard lesson. A lesson of trust; a reminder that trust it too precious to just disseminate so carelessly. The messed up part is that my mother had oh-so gently given me this lesson, long before I had to learn the hard way.
Perhaps the problem lies on my too trusting nature. Perhaps it’s my kindness or maybe my choice to always grant people the benefit of a doubt?
I don’t know. But I’m happy to announce that my pride is still intact, my love still as strong as ever and my ambition is very much alive.
All I’m left with to do is to strengthen my trust and apply it to God and to Him alone.