Conventional is a good fallback position, isn’t it?

Sometimes he wears a turban, accentuates his soft features with ethnic jewelry. His feminine figure is best defined in his skinny jeans. With his nerdy glasses and scruffy beard it creates somewhat an unusual look.   The one that attracts puzzled stares and amused giggles.  As he applies his eyeliner, he is convinced it’s going to be a good day.

A day lined with judgmental whispers, hurting remarks, disgusted glances and angry curses – it’s still a good day. At least he managed to keep his smile intact.

He could have avoided the unfortunate reality by confirming to its demands. He could have bought their acceptance by living the definition of the norm.

After all, conventional is a good fallback position, isn’t it?

Why is it normal for girls to wrap their head is doeks and line their eyes?

You cannot chase two rabbits at the same time

This is one of the topics I have been assigned to post on as part of my Media Studies course. Again, I disagree. So I will not waste my time and Google stories that contradict with pursuing two goals at the same time.

We all know that this is possible. In fact almost everyone in my class is a living proof of that. I mean, as part time students, we are all working toward obtaining a qualification to advance our education while ensuring that our careers are on point at the same time.

Though they are closely aligned, these are two different goals. Right?

Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it once broken but the cracks remain on reflection.

I have not been around this world long enough to dub myself an expert in relationship matters. However, I do believe that I have gained more than enough experience to know that trust and transparency are key to successful unions, be it with friends or spouses. 

Through all the relationships that I have been (and still) a part of I have learnt that the only thing that kept me around is my trust for that certain individual. Some relationship ended badly and the root of the split was always the violation of my trust.

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I’ve had to let go of friends because I could no longer trust them due to their choices in life. Some of them had to face the exit because they betrayed their loyalty by simply not living up to their promises. Once I was in a relationship with someone that I thought I could trust with my life. I bared my soul to him. Okay, maybe not really my soul but I invested so much faith in him that I decided to over look his flaws, a lot of them.

The revelation of his monkey business did not really come as a surprise, the signs were always visible. But I had taught myself to trust him. Even after he betrayed me, I thought I could still make it work so I stuck around. Because the traces of the mess he had created could not be easily erased, the relationship snowballed to a sticky, never ending muddle of accusations, fights and tears. Eventually, I had to let go.

Lady Gaga once said, “Trust is like a mirror, you can try to fix it once broken. But you will always see the cracks on your reflection.” Or was it Beyonce? Whatever! But that statement is true in every respect. Trust is the most precious and most sensitive possession. It requires tender care and utmost attention.

Once someone crushes your trust, it is very difficult, almost impossible to regain it. You always second guess them, question the silliest things and keep them under a ridiculously watchful eye. That’s not healthy; it only clots your happiness. You’re always wondering what they are getting up to on your absence and you constantly feel the need to be updated on their comings and goings. That’s the worst space to be in, for anyone.

An unfortunate fact is that the only way to exit that space is by cutting the ties with that person. This is according to my experience.

"Nothing is more dangerous than an idea, when you only have one idea" (Alain)

Two years ago I took a really brave decision. Perhaps brave is not the correct word; when I look back to it now, I think I might have been possessed by demons. No, that does not explain it too. Maybe I suffered from a minor mental condition?

 Let me tell you the story then you can diagnose my ‘illness’.

At the beginning of 2010, I quit my job as an Accounts Executive of a PR company. The job was stressful but very fulfilling, the money was good and the projects were exciting, at least most of them.

So why did I leave?

One day while travelling from home from work, an intriguing thought popped into my mind. “If you can formulate, plan, execute and evaluate PR/communications strategies successfully to generate money for someone’s business, why can’t you do that for your own consultancy?” the small voice asked.  

By the time I got home my head was spinning! I had this grand vision of myself running my own successful PR consultancy with some really stunning clients and making tons and heaps of money. I managed to convince myself that I could do it. I mean, I had the skills, the qualification and my TWO years experience *shrieks*.

So why what could possibly stop me?

Two months later: I had resigned, registered my company, and developed the brand complete with my website, business cards and all! This was all done in a really amazing rush of excitement coupled with my die hard ambition. Now I was set and ready to take the PR industry by storm.

((BOOM))

By the time I realised that I had been driven by a single idea, my bank account was nonexistent and depression had made a home in my mind. I realised that I had been absorbed in my golden idea of starting my own business but I had absolutely no idea how I would make it work! I had no clue where to begin in recruiting clients.

After that realisation, I spent about almost a year of my life accepting rejection of employers, crying myself to sleep and financially dependent on family and friends. So far, that has been the toughest phase of my life. Hey, at some point I even contacted my previous employers and begged them to take me back.

But like they say, we learn through living. Now I am glad to say from that experience I have learnt that nothing is more dangerous than an idea, when you only have one idea.

BFFs

Allow me to introduce to you two of the four men that matter the most in my life - my best friends (pictured with me above) Wanda & Randy. Randy is the tall one and Wanda is the dark one. See? One of the reasons I adore them is that they are easy to describe.

Their descriptions go beyond their physical appearance though. These two guys are the real definition of unconditional love and true friendship. Through them, I have learnt most of this life's important lessons; that is to be comfortable in my own skin, to be patient (though that remains a weakness) and to be content with what I have.

With more than 8 years of being together and still going strong, I think I can safely say that our friendship has stood the test of time!

The dynamics of this friendship are thrilling enough to be a separate post, so stay tuned.

And oh, the other two men who matter the most are my one and only brother and my boyfriend ;)

My Summer Look

YES* I found one more reason to look forward to summer - to rock the look above! The other two reasons are to wear slops to work and to wearing speedos for the first time (yes, I have been preparing my body baby!)

Anyways, I came accross this picture of  the world's highest paid male model, Baptiste Giabiconi, when I was having one of my Perve Moments on the internet (figure it out). My hear raced and my palms started sweating and suprisingly that reaction was not caused by this man's dangerous sex appeal but his out fit on this picture!

This is what I have been looking for - a look to abuse! So that's it, I am getting myself all kinds of denim extra short shorts and over sizes checked shirts that I can find. This will be my everyday look...almost!

However, I am no stranger to short shorts....

I guess no one really embraced this look when I was gaga over it, uhm, two years ago. I also guess you can call me, erm, fashion forward? LOL! 

Have you figured out the second head fake?

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Some time ago, before I realised the importance of staying true to myself, I was caught up in the idea of being popular. You know, like an “IT fag”; the one that dons the most expensive clothes, has the most advanced smart phone, an ultra-hot boyfriend (or shag mate) and most importantly tons and heaps of cool friends.

So I made it a mission to obtain that status but it proved to be a bit of a challenge. The clothes, the cell phones and the boyfriend/shag mate were concealed by my financial constraints. Yes, in the Cape Town gay scene, a lot of boys are up for sale (believe it or not). They don’t come cheap...

However, making a ridiculously lot of friends was easy peasy! All I had to do was to put on a Model C accent, be updated on the current Beyonce or Lady Gaga scoop, own a packet of cigarettes and wear clothes that previously belonged to old white women when they were still alive. That made me relevant and I made dozens of cool “friends”. Only much later would I learn how loosely the term “friends” is used – or rather misused?

Being the genuine person that I am, I poured my being into these friendships. See, not only did I discuss my crushes and weekend plans with my “friends” but I also shared with them my true sentiments, aspirations and some really personal stuff.

Biggest mistake ever!

My newly found popularity came to an abrupt end as my friends started developing second heads. And no, I’m not going all sci-fi on you right now. I saw it with my own eyes, and I wear glasses so I’m not mistaken. I’m not sure which one was most astonishing; the revelation of the second head or figuring out that the first one is actually fake!

Not only did it turn out that some of my “friends” carried replicated Louis Vuitton sling bags, I found out that they also displayed faux personalities. All it took to realise that was a manifestation of my true self. My objection on reckless living, having fun AKA sleeping around and gossiping drove my “friends” away.

So out went my popularity and the labels started flocking in. At some point I was “Goody 2 Shoes” then I was a “Blonde White Bitch” before I finally became a “Slut on the Sly”. The origin of these striking titles is still unknown to me.  

I am...

In a connected world where trends and gadgets have crippled people’s sense of individualism, I AM on a mission to claim my peculiarity. I am not ready to let societal opinions and norms determine my way of doing things but I AM prepared to be a deviation. I AM a free spirit and I will continue exploring my capabilities to the best of my ability.

Amongst my peers, I AM the one that is not going to take the easy way out. I AM equipped with intelligence to tackle all the challenges that may arise along the way to success.  I have drive and ambition and I AM going to see the realisation of my dreams.

In my community, I AM going to make a difference. I aim to be the inspiration of the upcoming generations. Achieving that aim requires tremendous focus and hard work and I AM determined to abide. I AM not afraid to face the harsh realities of following my dream but I fear failure.

In myself, I AM a firm believer. I feed my brain with knowledge as I go along so to broaden my horizons. I go with an open mind and I AM open to suggestions and advise of those wiser than I AM.

I am…

Siya Mahomba

Our backgrounds are not the determinants of our future

My previuos post on the Affirmative Action received some really interesting response. Some people fairly agreed with me but a lot of people were quite hurt and angered by my sentiments. I have always known that we are a bit of a dysfunctional society, but I was not aware of the amount of anger we carry with us as a result of our past.

One comment that stood out for me was from one reader who assumed that my view on our economic state and our political system might be influenced by my age and  background.

He felt that I am too young to be discussing state issues such as the Affirmative Action. He also presumed that I come from a well off family, therefore I am not affected by the harsh realities of our country hence my deviating opinions on Affirmative Action. My response to both these allegations? This man is completely wrong.

Though I felt his antagonism as an unemployed young South African, I dismally failed to understand how he came to his conclusion.

Of course I tried to gain some understanding by asking him but my attempt was only met with silence. This incident brought back to my mind an issue that I have been meaning to address for sometime. In my opinion, our backgrounds are really not the determinants of our future. Therefore, I don’t see why we should refer to them when we seek a way forward.

However, I fully aggree that one’s past can be a powerful tool to use in carving a better future. Please allow me to make use of my own experince as an example. I was raised by a single mother together with my three siblings in a tiny 3 roomed shack and later a warm house that we are all proud of. My upbringing was not at all glits and glam. My mother’s hardwork, which ultimately saw me to my current state of life kept me and my siblings above the water. So there you have it; I do not come from a well off family.

I could have chosen to blame the government for my lack of access to all the basics I needed to get by like some of my peers did. I could have been rebelious against the public education that I received and dropped out of school. I could have refused to work hard while other children from other races received all their wishes on a silver platter.

But I did’nt.

It did not make sense  to expect some legislations to see me through life. Their mere existance were an an encouragement enough for me to get up and claim a comfortable life for myself. I did not see how my complaints about the past that I was not even a part of would ensure me a bright future. So  just like my mother, I resorted to hardwork to see me through life. And let me tell you, it worked like a charm.